Birds, Bees, and Books

Snippet of a ridiculous conversation, wherein big sister K. (eighteen) attempts to explain to her little brother, W. (ten) "where babies come from." Fortunately, he already knows. "Now, you listen and straighten your sister out if necessary," I say.

We've reached the point in the story where the man and the woman are about to do the deed. K. remembers to mention the importance of condom use.

"You mean the glove?" W. asks, holding up his thumb and forefinger in a gesture that looks like he's indicating about an inch and a half.

"Oh, you poor boy - are you worried about size already?" K. starts giggling. "The man gets bigger--"

"How?" He looks so innocent. So sincere. Surely he's not baiting his beloved sister...?

Ooooh. Now she's struggling. Hard. Not to laugh. "Well, sometimes they read a book..."

"Read a book?" I blurt out. "Read a book? During se--"

"Shhh! Who's explaining this?" She gives me the stern, indignant look. I must be getting better at the look, because she's perfected it.

"But during sex? I have never heard of a guy reading a book during sex." I roll my eyes and mutter, sotto voce, "A woman, maybe..."

"Like your mother," K. says to her brother.

"I do not read books during sex!"

K. looks down her nose at me, disdainfully. "Hey, you read books at baseball games - I have to assume you'd read during sex." I wonder if she thinks tech writers read how-to manuals during the act.

Reminds me of the time it dawned on her that her father and I had (shhhhhhhhh...) had S - E - X. "But you only did it twice, right?" she asked, her eyes filled with horror at the thought.

"No, Sweetie," I confessed. "To have two such perfect children as you and your brother, we had to practice. Lots."

Muahahahahahahahaa...the look on her face was priceless.